Just Jiggles

Some New Jokes
i)
There was a student who was desirous of taking
admission for the IIM course. He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview.
Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy "Tell me your choice," he said to the boy "What's your choice? I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult one. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The boy thought for a while and said my choice is ONE real difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you ,you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. "Now tell me this. What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How?????????" the interviewer was smiling at last. "I got you" he said to himself.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
And the admission for the course was thus secured:)

ii)
Amitabh Bachchan is questioning a guy on Kaun Banega Crorepati.
Amitabh: "Meri company ka naam kya hain?" Options : A: Infosys, B: Wipro, C: ABCL, D: Hindustan Lever.
Participant: "ABCL"
Amitabh: "Sure?"
Participant: "Sure."
Amitabh: "Confident?"
Participant: "Yes confident."
Amitabh: "Computerji 'ABCL' ko tala laga do."
Computer: "Abe gadhe ABCL ko 2 saal se tala laga hua hai!"


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1)NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going."A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."The last applicant was a Indian politician (Lallu Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.The IndianPolitician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1million, and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars."

2)A Bihari hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a napunder one of the trees,
so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats wereg one.He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The Bihari sits down and thinks of how he can getthehats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment,the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, themonkeysdid exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threwit onthe floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to getall hishats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, Laloo, also became a hat-seller andhadheard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he tookanap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching hisheadand the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself andagainthe monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea,Laloothrew his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still heldon toall the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the haton thefloor, gave him a slap and said.......................
"##,You think only you have a grandfather?

3)
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.However, on the day of our launch, something seemed to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.Finally, there was an Indian scientist who offered to help. The NASA people were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything."Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway."Bring it back to vertical position" the Indian said. The engineers did."Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the rocket took off and flew into outer space!Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew what to do. He replied - "It is very simple. This is what we always do with our scooters in India".
4)Some More

Santa-Banta Jokes

Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai


Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'


Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.

Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...
Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA


Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.


Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye


Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.. He got irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.


Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.


Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai


Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI


Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'


Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.


Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye..
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.


Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya


Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A:
Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'

Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai

"Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jayaye to kya hai...")
YEH DOCUMENT, YEH MEETINGS,
YEH FEATURES KI DUNIYA YEH INSAAN KE DUSHMAN, CURSORS KI DUNIYAYEH DEADLINES KE BHOOKE, MANAGEMENT KI DUNIYA
YEH PRODUCT AGAR BAN BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
YAHAAN EK KHILONA HAI PROGRAMMER KI HASTIYEH BASTI HAI MURDA BUG-FIXERS KI BASTI
YAHAAN PAR TO RAISES HAI, INFLATION SE SASTI
YEH REVIEW AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
HAR EK KEYBOARD GHAYAL, HAR EK LOGIN PYAASIEXCEL MEIN ULJHAN, WINWORD MEIN UDAASI
YEH OFFICE HAI YA AALAME MICROSOFT KIYEH RELEASE AGAR HO BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?
JALAA DO ISE, PHOONK DO YEH MONITORMERE SAAMNE SE HATAA DO YEH MODEM TUMAHAARA HAI TUMHI SAMBHAALO YE COMPUTER
YEH PRODUCT AGAR CHAL BHI JAAYE TO KYA HAI?

Regional Tadka

Hindi:
He : Aye kya bolti tu?
She: Aye kya main bolun?
He : Sun
She: Suna
He : Aati kya Khandala?
She: Kya karun aakey main khandala?
He : Ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge, gayenge. aaish karenge aur
kya?
Kashmiri:
H: heey, kya chaakh wannan;
S: heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy;
H: booz;
S: wanoo;
H: pakha telle khandala;
S: kya karee weeteth bhe khandala;
H: pherevhey,nachevhey,geevevhey,khevevhey,eesh karav,beyy kya??

Bengali:
H: ei ki bolis tui;
S: ei ki ar boli;
H: son;
S: sona;
H: jabi ki khandala??
S: ki kori giye khandala;
H: are, ghurbo phirbo nachbo gaibo maja korbo ar ki;
Marathi:
H: Aye kay tu mhantes?;
S: aye kay me mhanhu?
H: aik;
S: aikav;
H: yetes ka khandala?;
S: kay karu yevon me khandala?;
H: bhatkuya, phiruya, gavuya, nachuya, aish karuya. aankhen kay?

Telugu:
H: Aye,yemantaavu?
S: Aye, Yem cheppaali?
H: Vinu,
S: Cheppu;
H: Vastaava Khandala??
S: Yem Cheddam velli manam Khandala?
H: Thirugudaam, Aadudhaam, Paadudaam, Ganthulu Yeddaam Inkemi?

Punjabi:
H: a ke boldi tu;
S: a ke mein bolan;
H: sunh;
S: sunha;
H: aande aein khandala;
S: ke karain ae ke mein khandala;

Kannada:
H: Aye, Yenanti Nee?
S: Aye, Naanu Yenu Anali?
H: Kelu,
S: Helu;
H: Barteeya Khandala?
S: Yenu Maadali Naa bandu Khandala?
H: Thirugona, Kuniyona, Hadona, Aadona, Majaa Madona... Innenu?

Sindhi:
H: Aye cha ti chaven?
S: aye cha maan chavan?
H: budh;
S: buhay;
H: achiti cha khandala?
S: cha kayan achi maan khandala?
H: ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi, aaish kandasi, byo cha?

Gujarati:
H: Aye su bole tu?
S: aye hun su bolu?
H: sambhad;
S: sambhdav
H: aavechey ke khandala?
S: su karu aavene khandala?
H: ghumsu, pharsu, khavsu,peevsu, aaish karsu. beeju su?

Magahi (BIHARI):
H: A ki bolahin too,
S: A kya boliyuow hum,
H: Sun
S: sunaow
H: Aaimahi ki khandala;
S: Ki kariaow aake hum khandala;
H: Gumbai Phirbai aish karbai aur ki,

Jokes Collection

Bill Gates Jokes
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If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:
* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
* English Babu Desi Mem.
* Brain marries Beauty!?
* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!? Ooo Windows mein Bill hai meraThe *next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.* *Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !



Laloo Jokes
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* Laloo Prasad was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very ineficient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

* What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ? La loo
* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...
* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
* Laloos family planning policy.."Don't have more than two children in one year"
* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
* After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture. To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"
* Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"
* A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?" "Marriage"
* Laloo returns from a US tour. As he completes his press conference and is about to leave, he goes, "I would like to thank the president of the United States from the bottom of my heart and my wife's bottom too"/

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Sardar Jokes
Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering twobeers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
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Sardarji standing below a tube light with a openmouth.........WHY?Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner shouldbe light".
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Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. Hewas not sure asto what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".After much thought hewrote : Yes!

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One Person knock the door of Banta on 12 th floor,Banta open the doorthe man was crying and said - Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed,Sardar jumps from 12th floor. At 8th floor heremembers I don't have adaughter!At 5th floor he remembered I'm unmarried! At 3rd floorremembered I'mBanta not Santa

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A teacher told all students in a class to write anessay on a cricketmatch. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. Hewrote "DUE TO RAIN,NO MATCH!"
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Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you thispacket.Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could haveposted it....
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What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?He will compare it with the original for any spellingmistakes.
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Sardar proposed a girl......Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elderto you'. Sardarsaid: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you nextyear.
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Why can't sardars dial nine-eleven (911) at emergency?Becoz, theycan'tfind the eleven on the phone.
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A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.Judge asked:How'll you divide, you've 3 children? Sardar replied:Ok! We"ll applynext year.
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A man asked Sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walkingat evening not inthe morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan isPM not AM''.
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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with hiseyes closed. Hiswife asked: what you are doing? He said: I want to seehow i look whilesleeping.
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A sardar was very fond of sensational and detectivenovels,but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his askedwhy he did so? "It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar."to start fromthe middle keeps one curious not only about itsconclusion but alsoabout its beginning.